Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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