Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize