Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
