the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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