I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
love makes seman taste better
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
