he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You don't make any sense
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