mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize