and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
