I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
