Im at strip club and am horny
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
