But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
