Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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