lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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