omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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