Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
