If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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