I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
