so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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