Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
