I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
