She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
