I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
