it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
