38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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