her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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