I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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