Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
