My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
