You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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