he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
