your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
