Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
