No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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