what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
