I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I know her cup size but not her name....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
