Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
