It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
