We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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