jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
