i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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