well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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