Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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