he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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