Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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