this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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