whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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