I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
