so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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