I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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