i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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