I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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