I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
