I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't deserve a penis
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
