I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize