the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
