I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
