just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Success! We fucked roommates!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
