I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
