why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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