Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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