Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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